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| Tuesday, January 31st, 2006 | | 7:59 pm |
woo
Yay, I'm transferring to the flyer department at work! So much mor emy thing and such a relief! The stress at work was kiiling me, I just haven't enjoyed my job for a long time now. This will be a great change! P.S. I really dislike boys when they are sick or in pain. |
| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 | | 8:23 pm |
Fully engaged...
Went home to Roseville for Thanksgiving. Juan and I took the Amtrak there and back. He asked my dad for my hand in marriage on Thanksgiving day and he asked me to marry him Sunday, November 27. After we had given a couple gifts to my brother he came out from the back room. "Since we're exchanging gifts I have something for you Rachel." and he hands me a Hot Topic bag. In the bag is a Nightmare Before Chritmas jewelry box with his and her engraved rings that we had seen earlier. I open up the box and sure enough my ring was in there. Juan then gets down on his knee in front of my whole family and says "Rachel Suzanne Saks, will you marry me?" I said yeah and then we caught the train and had New York Strip in the train diner to celebrate. The Grandparents know and we're having the "ceremony" and reception at their place after we're sealed in the Oakland temple at noon March 18. Crazy stuff...funny thing is is now we're fighting. His sister is being a punk and planning a wedding is stressful, blah! Work sucks but I'm going to Disneyland in 4 days! |
| Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 | | 10:50 pm |
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| Saturday, November 5th, 2005 | | 8:17 am |
You may want to sit down for this one...
...I have finally decided on a degree.
I know! I hope nobody dies from shock on the off chance they read this!
So, ever since I left IU I haven't been able to find a major or degree I wanted. I've applied to may different schools and even different colleges. I've avoided all of my math and science gen eds like the plague as well. SO, now that I'm old and getting married I knew it was time to commit myself to something. Juan and I both agree that it's important for me to have some sort of degree. So since I work full time and need to help support us both while he works part time and goes through school t's a bit more difficult. So, I've decided to shoot for an AAS in Art and Visual comunications with emphasis in Graphic Design. I'm artsy and I like computers. Plus it requires very little Gen Eds! HOORAY! Impressive no, but I'm thrilled! So, when Juan and I get hitched I'll finally be considered a Utah resident, according to school at least. Then I can drop my butt out of BYU and go back to UVSC. Seriously, who am I kidding. BYU doesn't offer what I want when I want it and it will take me much longer. Time and money I don't have. Plus they don't even have any sort of major I'm really all that interested in. SO I'm very excited. It's great to have Juan by my side through all of this as well.
Juan and I's relationship has changed so much since he came back from Cali. Much more love and respect for one another. When he decided he was going to marry me he really changed his tune. Boys admittingly in love are funny.
So, in the mean time I'm going to take my health class from BYU online. Excitement city folks!
Current Mood: up too early |
| Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005 | | 9:40 pm |
So...my teacher said I should keep a journal, and I agree.
I love "I love the 80's" So... Juan and I are getting married in 4 1/2 months. March 18th, as of now, is the official date. The ring has been picked out, but I don't think it's been purchased yet :( Juan and I are taking the Amtrack home for Thanksgiving and he's going to ask my dad for permission. Ha ha My dad is a very large mean man and has not heard too many nice things about Juan. Juan is secretly, well not entirely secretly, terrified. It will be amusing for me to say the least. So I actually struggled with the whole marriage thing for a good two months. I really just recently came to grips with it. I wasn't planning for this at all, it's not everyday your ex boyfriend moves back from California and asks you to marry him. However, We've been best friends for 3 years now dating or not. It should be a blast. Hard...but good. So yeah...We plan on having the wedding near my home town and having a couple open houses, one near his home town and one here in Utah. The funniest thing is practically everyone but our families know haha We aren't really doing things in any sort of traditional oder, but as soon as he asks my Dad it'll all happen extremely fast. Crazy...me a wife?! What a joke. |
| Tuesday, October 25th, 2005 | | 6:36 pm |
I weep a lot!
Googlism for: rachel rachel is a dork rachel is recommended rachel is out tonight rachel is weeping rachel is my sister rachel is 30 today rachel is sitting in the living room rachel is my friend rachel is finally back rachel is my heroine rachel is a lesbian sex goddess rachel is just a scatter of mobile homes and there is nothing much to see or do here rachel is the "twin peaks" of the desert rachel is a journalist and commentator from vancouver rachel is touched by brave girl's plight rachel is the post rachel is at a turning point in discovering rachel is dull rachel is still weeping rachel is still weeping ~ rachel is weeping for her children rachel is worth watching rachel is late nbc synopsis rachel is the best rachel is coming out of the bathroom after a shower wearing only her bath robe rachel is not a female rachel is a rachel says "damnit doug rachel is at your service rachel is put into several foster homes rachel is mean to liberals rachel makes me sad and mad rachel is stupid too much harsh language other rachel is late celui qui allait a la premiere rachel is in love with rachel is on the "extraterrestrial highway" and located 40 miles west of the junction of sr 318 and us 93 in western lincoln county rachel is late rachel is preaching and serving as liturgist rachel is here to prove it rachel is a christian rachel is a foster mother to a young girl rachel is found in genesis chapters 29 rachel is more prettier than her rachel looks more natural than that sucks britney britney also always wear a sucks rachel is named for the old testament figure who wept inconsolably over the loss of her child rachel is a little girl who lives in preston rachel is a ?friend? of my mother?s rachel is a means of receiving the healing grace of god rachel is a native californian rachel is exceptional at creating superior learning environments rachel is well rachel is not likely to recover any function of her vocal cords rachel is changing her diet and activity routine rachel is put in foster care because her mother tries to "get the devil out of her" and ends up in a mental institution rachel is a 22 rachel is pretty much a loner rachel is a very happy rachel is hork bajir valley rachel is a sensitive rachel is working with her advisor rachel is a sweet mare rachel is home to over 400 adults and children of all ages rachel is undergoing hectic training to acclimatize her with the harsh conditions of the north pole rachel is a pinup rachel is a full rachel is expected to set an exemplary role for her five siblings and for the community rachel is handcuffed rachel is on the varsity shot put and discus teams rachel is undecided rachel is always giving 110% in all fundraising efforts rachel is a sixteen rachel is originally from illinois rachel is a very cool person rachel is recommended rachel is sad rachel is out tonight rachel is an intelligent rachel is sitting in the living room rachel is still weeping rachel is a great fan of robot wars rachel is 30 today rachel is the best rachel is weeping rachel is nude pics rachel is special's rachel is happy again and at home rachel is the real rachel? rachel is weeping for her children; she refuses to be comforted rachel is a magiccreature rachel is found safe rachel is first ambassador for true taste rachel is special view tweety rachel is a real estate agent that is known in the community of waldorf for their dedicated client service rachel is in love with rachel is the daughter of teri and dino bridges … born july 19 rachel is nice rachel is nasty rachel is nice rachel is nasty rachel is nice rachel is nasty rachel is nice rachel is nasty rachel is nice rachel is nasty rachel is honored to have been chosen by the national folk alliance outreach program to present a world music assembly program at a public school in rachel is a very happy rachel is well rachel is now #2 on the transplant list rachel is now and then also featured on the frontpage rachel is a happy and fun rachel is a sensitive rachel is a short but entertaining work that typifies the novels that have made linda lael miller a household name rachel is 1 cm dilated rachel is gone rachel is currently working on a remake of "get outta here" rachel is on the varsity shot put and discus teams rachel is the one whose hair is golden like mother's rachel is alive until we have reason to believe something different rachel is a committee member rachel is arranging sticks in a vase rachel is a regular gardeners' world presenter and has also filmed her own series rachel is undecided rachel is a very cool person rachel is a sixteen Current Mood: Weeping still... |
| Tuesday, October 11th, 2005 | | 8:16 pm |
I know the stories and I know the ryhmes...
...As often as I've read them, something's wrong
So hard to put my bony finger on
Or perhaps it's not as deep as I've been led to think
Am I trying much too hard?
Of course! I've been too close to see, the answer's right in front of me
It's simple really, very clear
Like music drifting in the air
Invisible, but everywhere
Just because I cannot see it
Doesn't mean I can't believe itSo...Juan and I are going to my hometown of Roseville for Thanksgiving. We're taking a 17 hour journey both ways on good ol' Amtrak. I'm really excited. He's asking my dad for permission to marry me. Life is so incredibley unpredictable. This is the 4th time Juan and I have gotten back together...and well, hopefully the last ha. We've picked out the ring but I have to wait until December. I'm so impatient since I know it's coming. It's really bizarre, I wasn't expecting to get married any time soon. However, Juan moved back from Cali and not only asked for me back but finally figured out that he was in love with me and wanted to marry me. He really had to work hard to convince me though, he's been very patient, because I was very over us. I had been heart broken too many times. So yeah...we're both artsy and kid like so life should be interesting to say the least. I'm sure with our media backgrounds we'll document it all on video haha. Our poor kids! Not too mention all the culture... MoJewinos... They'll be exposed to Mormon culture, Jewish culture, and Latin culture. I think it will be a blast. We've known eachother for 3 years in January, and When we get married in March, we'll have been together, minus a combined total of 4 months with all of the break ups, for 2 years. So there won't be too many surprises...we know eachothers quarks, moods, etc. So, we've always had a Nightmare Before Christmas theme even when we were just friends, so it's really stuck. I love it :) I love him, crazy! "My dearest friend, if you don't mind
I'd like to join you by your side
Where we can gaze into the stars...
...And sit together, now and forever
For it is plain as anyone can see
We're simply meant to be" Current Mood:  crazyCurrent Music: NBC |
| Thursday, September 22nd, 2005 | | 10:51 pm |
Ring shopping and Corpse Bride tomorrow! Hooray! However, now work is starting to suck. I got written up, and yes I was at fault but I was singled out unfairly. I'm hurt. Jenae can suck it! Current Mood:  anxious |
| Saturday, September 17th, 2005 | | 12:40 am |
Oh crap. I'm in love. But I'm taking this slow. Yes, our relationship has made a complete 180. I'm kind of afraid that this is it. EEK! Current Mood:  surprised |
| Thursday, September 15th, 2005 | | 10:18 pm |
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| Tuesday, September 13th, 2005 | | 10:43 pm |
"Sorry, I just wanted to tell you that I love you"
The Date: *a dozen roses *sharing all the songs from his Ipod he's been wanting me to hear over the past two months *Benihanas in Salt Lake *Nas Kart Racing *Slow dancing to a homemade CD in an abandon parking lot while the music played from his car *all doors opened *I invited him in, we watched TV and I fell asleep on his lap Our second date is in 2 weeks to see The Corpse Bride and then something in Salt Lake to follow. I'm TORN! Matt is out of the picture, he hooked up with one of the 2 girls who knew I liked him. Figures, I feel like an idiot. All other guys I was interested in either didn't pan out, dissapointed, or went back to school :( Is dating this confusing for everyone? Current Mood:  confused |
| Thursday, September 8th, 2005 | | 5:55 pm |
Interesting...
So I'm at work today and a guy goes Rachel Saks? He had a vase of red roses...I would have loved to see my face ha. The card attached was a CD ROM tat said: "Saturday at 5PM?" The CD ROM played the song Prince's - "The Most Beautiful Girl In The World" I hope this doesn't end badly. Could u be the most beautiful girl in the world?
It’s plain 2 see u’re the reason that God made a girl
When the day turns into the last day of all time
I can say I hope u are in these arms of mine
And when the night falls before that day I will cry
I will cry tears of joy cuz after u all one can do is die, oh
Could u be the most beautiful girl in the world?
Could u be?
It’s plain 2 see u’re the reason that God made a girl
Oh, yes u are
How can I get through days when I can’t get through hours?
I can try but when I do I see u and I’m devoured, oh yes
Who’d allow, who’d allow a face 2 be soft as a flower? oh
I could bow (bow down) and feel proud in the light of this power
Oh yes, oh
Could u be (could u be) the most beautiful girl in the world?
Could u be?
It’s plain 2 see u’re the reason that God made a girl
Oh, yes u are
And if the stars ever fell one by one from the sky
I know mars could not be, uh, 2 far behind
Cuz baby, this kind of beauty has got no reason 2 ever be shy
Cuz honey, this kind of beauty is the kind that comes from inside
Could u be (could u be) the most beautiful girl in the world?
So beautiful, beautiful
It’s plain 2 see (plain 2 see) u’re the reason that God made a girl
Oh yeah! (oh, yes u are)
Girl (could u be? )
U must be ... oh yeah!
(could u be? )
U’re the reason ... oh yeah Current Mood: confused |
| Wednesday, September 7th, 2005 | | 11:02 pm |
I need some music for this
Quick update on my life. I've been promoted twice, got a raise, new car, broke up wih the boy, spent the summer mending a broken heart and refinding myself... Okay here we are. September... Sunday night... Setting: My living room, dusk Characters: The boy, the cat, and me. We need to talk... Summary: The Boy: I love you, I've always loved you, I will always love you. I was so stupid. Everything I ever wanted in a woman is sitting right in front of me and now I can't have it. I see you becomming such a great woman and I want to be that great man beside you. I was just afraid and I sabotaged us, I was afraid that it would lead to a marriage proposal or you hating me and never talking to me again. I was afraid and had my mind set that it wouldn't work before I ever gave us a chance or realized what I had. There have been only two women in my life you and all the others. I've never had the connection I have with you with anyone else. I will never find another girl like you and as good as you again, and that terrifies me. You're such a good person and I took advantage of you. I miss you and I just want you to hold me and let all of this be okay but I don't see a light at the end of the tunnel. I will never get over you. Me: Where were you two months ago when my heart was breaking right in front of you and I asked if you were sure about us. You said it was going to take a different girl and went back to watching TV as I cried on the couch next to you. I've moved on. I don't know what the future holds but I just can't get back together with you right now. You're my first love and I will always love you. I will always be here for you. But for now that is it. So we hung out Monday, had a good time. So I felt a bit torn. So I said he should take me out on a date to help me get my feelings straight. So he asked me out. I don't have a whole lot of faith that this will have a happy ending. He wants to make our movie. He's hanging the Hollywood ending over my head, but I think I'd be making the sacrafice. Actions are stronger then words. So we will see. Current Mood:  frustrated |
| Sunday, August 28th, 2005 | | 6:17 pm |
Wasted
I have wasted thousands and thousands of kisses on you - kisses that I thought were special because of your lips and your smile and all your color and life. I used to think that was the real you, when you smiled. But now I know you don't mean any of it. You just save it for all your songs. Shame on me for kissing you with my eyes closed so tight. |
| Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005 | | 8:50 pm |
I take my twist with a shout
So, I'm temporarily Customer Service Manager. And it's not too bad. It feels great to be recognized in the comapny you work for. The whole Juan thing seems to be at a somewhat low. Don't get me wrong Valentines day rocked. I got a dozen roses from Juan delivered to work, however, I asked specifically for them and then he threw in his twist. My boss gave me a beautiful vase of flowers... And then around 10:30 "the Phantom" delivered a dozen roses to my door with 11 things "the pahntom" liked about me. Then it said the 12th would come in time. However, I snuck around outside and found Nick. Since Nick and I have been on a date and out as friends. We're eachothers back up dates. He's so good to me. For Juan I brought him a candlelight dinner with wine glasses and mood music, the works to work since he had to work that night. I also bought him a jacket he said he wanted earlier that month. So...with Juan. I have to ask him to do nice things and I have to tell him exactly what I want. If I ask for a surprise he just second guesses himself. I love suprises. I'm just frustrated. We're just not meant to be. I just don't want to let go. I WISH I WASN'T SO LAME. It's hard when you care for someone so much but know it isn't meant to be. I feel entirely torn all the time. But at work I'm trying to prove myself and that feels good. I really enjoy the girls I work with. I really hope they will be friendships that last. Thursday, we're all going to get our hair done. It should be mucho fun. I'm afraid to be alone. My family is a mess. Work is full of new and scary responsibilities Juan is safe. Stay if you want to love me, stay Oh don't be shy lets cause a scene like lovers do on silver screens lets make it yeah we'll cause a scene It's Indie Rock N Roll for me. Current Mood: frustratedCurrent Music: The Killers - Indie Rock N Roll |
| Saturday, February 5th, 2005 | | 2:33 pm |
No sleep until I'm done finding the answer...
So, I got a PROMOTION AND A RAISE!!! Yes, I'm am now the assistant manager over my prior coworkers Muhahaha! Plus I got a dollar raise! Rock! I'm excited! So, Juan and I had a discussion Thursday night. We've decided we love and care for one athor deeply, but neither one of us are in love with one another. Which is actually sort of a good thing. Our feelings for one another are mutual. It may be easier to let go if both of us know it's not meant to be. This doesn't mean we broke up, we're just more away of the situation. I was lashing out negatively because of the way I felt and now I don't have to because I understand it and I don't have to hide it. However, we usually hang out on Saturdays and I'm having a hard time finding motivation. My body is exhausted! So lalala life is good. Current Mood:  lethargicCurrent Music: The Rasmus |
| Monday, January 31st, 2005 | | 8:37 pm |
I need you to pretend that we are in love again...
Ha...It's been since August since I've updated this thing. My brakes went out on my car so, I'm car-less and in the very near future I'll be very poor as well. My job is awesome, I'm looking at a raise/promotion soon. Juan and I did not keep our silent treatment. He said he loved me sincerely in a long letter with a rose. We've been together since. Lets see...5 months, with our breaks 11 months. It will be a year in March. It's been great to be in a serious commited relationship. I don't even really remember what it was like before. What the heck did I do with myself? We're a weird couple though...we're like married kids...we're totally there for one another, we practically live together on the weekends, our schedules don't permit during the week. However, we are playful and silly. It's crazy but so comfortable. I'm enjoying it. So Kirsten is finally engaged and I'm in her wedding. Not sure what part I'll be playing but she did ask me to be a part of it. Kari is pregnant and moving to Japan...crazy! Soeaking of Kari my favorite coworker was Kari and Cami's roommate! Crazy stuff. My dad goes in for an Angioplasty on Wednesday...fortunately they caught the blockage before it caused a heartattack. Lets see what else? Not much everyone here my age is married. I guess what is on my mind the most. I'm with Juan and I love it while all my other friends get married around me. But I don't really want to get married. I just don't know that Juan and I would be marriage material. Good friends and lovers yes. Married, not so much. I don't know it bothers me. Anyway, I don't really have much else to say. Mom's good, she got a new wheelchair and they get to live in there place for another 5 years. Kody is in Junior High and one of his teachers is entirely lame. I decided to pamper my cat radomly and he seems rather pleased. Went home for Christmas... bought a new computer and video camera. switched car insurance. Gained ownership of my home, found cheap home insurance. Life is crazy! I feel so grown up. HA Current Mood:  worriedCurrent Music: Postal Service |
| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004 | | 11:26 am |
I'm letting you go but I won't let you know...don't turn around!
I'm going to update in little sentences... *No word from Mark in over a week, yay. Good kid just not my type and way to smothering. * Started new job, like new job, getting a long very well with my coworkers, still a bit stressed my training was well less than needed because two people uit the day I started, plus my manager is a tad slackish and her grandpa died. *Went to my works softball game (Circlepix Cyclones)...I played catcher and my legs felt it for two days after! We lost but it was fun except for my shorty little shorts. *Went out with a bunch of people form my ward Friday. We went to Gual Bertos a little 24 hour Mexican dive. THey had a DJ! and people were dancing in this run down little shack of a place. THEN!!! Some older Mexican gentleman asked me to dance!!! Out of all the girls...I felt like a white trash princess hahaha. No I was very flattered. *FINALLY met Cody's friend Travis last night. He drove up from Idaho and Cody, him, and I all hung out. We went to Mimi's, a Halo party, played pool, and then watched THe LDS Pride and Prejudice. Travis and I hit it off quite well. He's a very funny cute guy! So my type all the way. We were cuddling by the nights end and we laughed the entire night long. *WOrked Saturday on the train, Nick may not be quitting. Speaking of Nick he finally kissed this girl (HE said he kissed her not ny kind of kiss but a closed mouth peck) Yeah what's that junk?! ANyway, I guess she laughed at him quite a bit even after he said he was embarrassed so who knows what is up with that. Maybe because it was such a pansy of a kiss..."He's known her for 5 months and they've never made out" that is what the chick had said earlier. *I WORK TOO MUCH! However UVSC starts this week and I still have until next before BYU starts so phew! It will be nice to have just one more week to get into my new job and schedule. *I NEED ROOMMATES * The trees are beginning to change color and it's all ready cooling down...I want to cry! Oh how I despise winter! *Haven't heard from Juan since Tuesday of last week. Keeping busy and going out with other people is definitely helping but I must admit he still crosses my mind often and my heart does ache. However, enough time will pass and someone new will come along that will treat me better and I'll be glad that I made the break whn I did. Working where he works doens't help a whole lot...I see his name on different orders and his coworkers keep bringing him up GRRR *I got invited to Sunday dinner with some extended relatives this evening. I'll be skipping out of SUnday school a bit early. I'll also miss munch and mingle! But i'd rather eat with family I haven't seen since Christmas. So anyway...I think that's it. So, life is still stressful...I'm thinking maybe mid Septeber I'll just be able to get into a routine and relax a bit. I have just felt incredibley overworked this month. Current Mood:  drainedCurrent Music: Ace of Base - Don't Turn Around |
| Wednesday, August 18th, 2004 | | 6:51 am |
It's just the thought of you in love with someone else...
ACK I start my new job today... my stomach is so nervous! EEEK Juan found out. He specifically asked if I had heard from his job and I didn't want to lie to him or be a jerk. So, I told him that I was hired and I start today. He said, "Hell No!" "...That is too funny" So with that response I had nothing more to say. I was looking more for a congratulations or a I'm happy for you, I've only been stressing out hard core all August...but he always has to say his stupid little comments, always. Ha, I have had such a change of heart with that kid...he made it so easy for me to move on. He makes sure to give me a daily reminder of how immature and selfish he can be. SO, other then that. I work on the train Saturdays only now. Plus I found some long Red cords at Plato's...yeah I am the proud new owner of red cords that according to Nick make my butt look good. NERVOUS! Current Mood: nervousCurrent Music: Weezer |
| Monday, August 16th, 2004 | | 11:32 pm |
WHY should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared. I was so alone!
TODAY WAS INSANE!!!!!!! I had 4 interviews! Two of which were just spur of the moment can you come in for an interview in an hur type things. One interview I was going to be this married dudes "personal secretary" and the only question he really asked is if I was fun to hang out with and he stared at my chest the entire time. YEAH! But GOOD NEWS! I was hired! Not for the pervert but at Juan's work actually. I went in for a second interview that went really well and I start Wednesday! Today... I also *visited with my great aunt and second cousin...fun stuff. *Talked to my educational advisor...yeah I'll never get a degree hahaha *Talked to Juan...well kind of...he came online (speaking of the devil, he just signed on) He didn't have much to say like normal. Just stupid comments to either upset me or waste my time. I just told him I was very busy and signed off. He really doesn't know much about my life anymore...maybe I stopped when he said he said he didn't listen and never remembered anything I said. *My date from Friday called twice...the second time I answered...he still didn't have much to say...I don't get it. *Bought a new pair of jeans. *Saw AVP with Abe, Cody, John, Noel (Null), Mike, and Dave...we had a blast. SOme dude told us to shut up haha. We also snuck in candy, fried chicken, a 2 liter soda, and a large peperoni pizza! PARTY! AVP: "Do you recognize what's on there shoulder" Me: "A chip!" I cracked myself up hahaha So yes, life is good...my plans are all falling into place. Good job, school, and a good group of friends. Plus I'm on good terms with church. HOORAY! I feel so relieved from so much stress. Now I just have to get ready for school, fix up this place, and get some new roommies...so the stress hasn't even come close to leaving the building but I feel much more secure. I'm one blessed chica Current Mood:  accomplishedCurrent Music: Marry Me Jane |
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